Monday 9 May 2011
Why is BDSM popular?
BDSM is about domination, submission, about men being big, conquering men and women being, well, obedient sexual playthings. Of course, men today aren't allowed to be big conquering men, and women most assuredly aren't allowed, at least by our culture, to be submissive and obedient anything. But some men fantasize about just taking a woman and having her do their sexual bidding, and some women fantasize about being dominated, being overcome, being forced. That's why people buy my books. We're locked into cultural practices, both men and women, which don't allow us to live the kinds of thoughts and fantasies which regularly occur to us, and so my books are fantasies wherein people get to imagine themselves in much more detail, experiencing the kind of 'forbidden' sexual behavior they're not allowed to really do in reality. Now some will say, oh of course we can! Well, maybe. I think many couples play around with pretend bondage, a little light spanking. But going beyond that requires both partners be into the same sort of fantasy, and that's more rare than you might expect given how reluctant people are to confess such thoughts. Women, in particular, are unlikely to tell a date or new boyfriend about deep, dark thoughts of being a submissive sex slave. Even men might find their girlfriend shrinking in alarm if they confessed such a fantasy. So it often goes unfulfilled. Well, that's what books are for, to vicariously enjoy the kind of outrageous things we daren't do in life.
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I agree with some of your statement however something I miss from your books is the strength of relationship. A woman, or at least I, need to trust and feel safe in a lover's arms, that he won't abuse the power he has. I realize that may not be your intent or even what you feel a relationship like that should need. I'm a woman afterall and who wouldn't want romance and love from the man who will also hold you down, restrain you while taking whatever he wants. I certainly would not enjoy several of the more sever aspects of your books but the type of relationship I want is probably much different than what you like.
ReplyDeleteI don't disagree with anything you write, Booklover. And, in fact, I think a BDSM relationship outside of one which has already developed a strong degree of trust is both dangerous and unlikely. And I have written a number of books, especially of late, which feature couples. However, you have to remember this is fantasy, and with well over 200 books and continuing, a huge variety of types and styles is going to be necessarily incorporated into my work. And, of course, writing fantasy is never going to entirely emulate reality. If Cops shows did that you'd see most of the time the police are working they're sitting at desks filling out reports, or at court, playing cards, waiting to testify in some boring trial.
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